when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
the new term for farting is butt boxing.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
