hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize