have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
