yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
