she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
