i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
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There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
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I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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