I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Semen is not good for contacts.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
