nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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