If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
