Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
