We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Mom said you looked used
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
