he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
