Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
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Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
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How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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