im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
