i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
