So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
