New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
