I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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