I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
