In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
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