took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
