This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
