Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
