He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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