And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
