You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
