you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
