Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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