life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
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