Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
