I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
