I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
It's rum buckets o'clock
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
