I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
