I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize
