I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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