if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
