You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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