I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
