I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
