Umm I'm too high to move.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Are my feet made of real feet?
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
