So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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