just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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