Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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