I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
