How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
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At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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