this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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