I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
