thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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