My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
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