Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
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