you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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