Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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