He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
