What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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