dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
