I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Randomize
