Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
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