The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
