Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Pooping to opera.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
