My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
