I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
