when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Sorry about my life...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
