foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Four minutes until I can fart!
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Randomize
