Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
