so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
