ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
