I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
