i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
