this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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