You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
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