Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
