Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
